Surviving British People

While Australians are the most annoying of all English-speaking peoples, the British are undoubtedly the scariest. Like rottweilers, the majority of British people reaching asian shores are bred for aggression and savagery. And not just the women. Here are some signs to watch out for:

Tattoos: You know those poisonous frogs that are brightly colored so predators don't eat them? It's the same thing with British people covered in tattoos, except instead of "don't eat me," they're saying "I JUST SPENT FIFTEEN YEARS IN PRISON FOR KILLING A PAKISTANI AND NOW I'M GOING TO DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT YOU CUNT." If you see a British person with tattoos, treat them the same you would someone who is really into Ayn Rand--just pretend they're not there. Otherwise you'll get stabbed.

Speech: If you have trouble understanding what a British person is saying, they will probably end up stabbing you. This is because the more degenerated breeds of Britain have poorly developed language centers and are therefore forced to communicate by a primitive series of grunts and isolated English words. If you find yourself easily understanding the speech of a British person, they are probably a diplomat or fugitive pedophile.

Habitat: British people detest sunlight and spend their days indoors drinking alcohol. This also describes their nights. They tend to congregate in fighting arenas known as "pubs." If you value your life, these places should be avoided like a fat girl with cold sores.