Laos Basics 3: Transportation

Tuk-Tuks

Lao people will often tell you not to pay more than 5000 kip for a ride unless it is very far. It's adorable how naïve they can be. In practice, you will only get this local rate if you are going a very short distance (in which case you should walk, you lazy bastard) or if you have 4+ people traveling a short distance. As a foreigner, the best you can hope for is 10k and you'll probably have to settle for 12-15k. Never pay more than 20k per person, no matter how far away something is. Many tourists have been fooled by drivers talking about how "very very far" their destination is and BS about gas prices. Three minutes later they arrive at their destination and hand over two days' wages.

Even though it makes no sense, you pay by the person, not the destination. If you negotiate a price of 15k for a trip to the morning market and your friend walks by and decides to join you, the total is 30k, not 15 or even 20k.

Tuk-tuk drivers will sometimes pull shit when you arrive at your destination. For example, if you agreed on a price of 20k to take two people to location X, when you there he will often say 20k for each person. If something like this happens, just hand him the agreed-upon fee and leave. He can't call the police and he won't chase after you. He's counting on you being a pussy and giving him extra money. Don't be a pussy. One trick they like is to agree on 13k and when you arrive say "no, thir-ty." Again, if this happens, hand back the 13k, ignore him, and leave. Bonus points if you add something like "learn to count dumbass." An important note: always have exact change for the price you negotiate because they will not admit to carrying change. Never tip.

Lately tuk-tuk drivers have been breaking out printed sheets of paper with set prices. These are bullshit—don't pay anything close to this. If the driver insists, kick him in the balls. Over and over.

Taxis

There are no metered taxis in Laos. You can find unmetered ones in two main places: the airport and across from the morning market. Taxis at the airport are a set price of $6 (yes, dollars) for wherever you want to go. Tuk-tuks are available around the corner but if you're unfamiliar with the city it would probably be easier to get the taxi. Taxis across from the morning market usually go to the border for about 50k kip. There are some random taxis around town but these exist only to charge stupid white people ludicrous prices. Don't be a stupid white person.

Motorbikes.

There are no motorbike taxis here. I have no idea why. These can be rented for 50-70k/day or more for a big dirt bike. You would have a really tough time finding an automatic. If you've never driven a motorbike before, the city is not the place to learn. Make sure the driver and passenger have helmets or you will be stopped and fined.