More Jokes

From the same book:

John: Waiter! There are ants in my soup.
Waiter: I know, its ant soup.

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I sacrificed everything so that my son could become a doctor, and now he tells me I have to stop eating raw fish salad and blood-soaked snacks.

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Xiengdy is the fanatic anti-smoker. Whenever he saw someone smoking a cigarette, he would pull it out of the person’s mouth and step on it. He finally died of foot cancer.

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Three sons Bounmy, Khamsy, and Thongdy discussed the gifts they had given to their elderly mother. The first son said, “I’ve just built a big house for our mother.” The second son said, “I’ve just sent Mom a Mercedes with a driver.” The third son said, “We all remember how our mother enjoys listening to folksongs so I’ve sent her a parrot that can sing folksongs from north to south.” Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letter of thanks. The letter reads:

Bounmy, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room but I have to clean the whole house.
Khamsy, I am too old to travel, so I rarely use the car. The driver is so rude.
Thongdy, the parrot was delicious.

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The police bring a prisoner criminal to the jail. The manager of the jail asks impatiently, “didn’t I tell you that I didn’t want to see you here again?”
“Yes sir. That’s what I told the policeman but he didn’t believe me.”

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Father: Why did you let that English boy kiss you?
Daughter: I could not stop him because I can not speak English.

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Judge: Why did you use the chair to hit your wife?
Defendant: Because I am not strong enough to lift the table!

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A new soldier shoots 20 bullets but does not hit the target even once. His instructor is very angry and swears at him:
“Idiot! Don’t shoot anymore. Go into the woods and kill yourself.”
I’m going to cut the joke off here, the rest of it doesn’t matter.

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“Do you serve women at this bar?”
“No, sir, you must bring your own.”